Feelings shaped into words, inspired by moments
And when you left
I felt it all
A low throbbing in my heart
That didn’t want to say goodbye
But also a quiet knowing
That now is not our time
And so I lock the memories
The smiles
The moments when you looked at me
With playful eyes
Or dared open up
A little, but not too much
I’ll place them all
Into my heart
And lock the door for now
Handing you back the keys
If ever you should come back
In search of new memories
It was like we were actors
Playing the part
That we had always hoped to be cast
Enjoying the display
The reciting of lines
And gestures so grand
A performance of parts
One so badly wants to play
Yet underneath it all
A mutual acknowledgment
That the masks we wore
Hid our fragile vulnerability
And deeper cores that we dare not show
Oh, how much easier it is to act!
Than face the truth of who we are
And accept the stage we play on
Is no real stage
But the hidden surface of earth’s reality
And if I had to go back
I would tell her
Not to worry
About that boy
Who loved words of romance
More than the quiet reality of love
I would tell her
Not to worry
About that guy
Who made her second guess herself
Or that she was a chore ‘too much’
I would tell her instead
To choose herself first
And to not let anyone
Make her feel inadequate
I would tell her
That if only she had waited
The cold nights would be worth it
Because one day
One day
The love she deserved would come along
Quieter and more assured than anything else
She had ever experienced
And I would smile at her and tell her
I told you so
Because everything then would make sense
And in the end it’ll all be worth it
Every doubt, question, pain or moment
Of wondering
Will all come out to reveal itself
To be the exact thing needed at that moment
To reach what was always meant
To find you in the end
I have never felt this light
I don’t mean in the physical sense
But rather a spiritual release
Of everything that ever made me feel
Suffocated
I have never felt this free
I don’t mean in the physical sense
But more in the sense
Of no restraint
Free in my headspace
My peacespace
Free to be me
All over again
And soon you’ll be dead to me
Like all the rest
A name I’ve deleted on my phone
Just some digits left
That I wouldn’t recognise even if I had to try
Oh baby that’s how the story goes
Unless you make it different
And show me why
I should have hope
You’ll be dead to me
But I’ll know how to cope
I want to feast my eyes on beauty
indulge the senses and have the ocean
hold my heart
I want to feast my eyes on beauty
awaken emotions and have the breeze
caress my mind
I want to feast my eyes on beauty
satiate this body and have the waves
carry me through forever
